Losing Weight, Facing Mortality

Recently, I decided that to lose the last 12 pounds of what will be an 80 pound weight loss from my top weight, I need to reduce the number of calories I eat, once again.  Eliminating my before-bed snack seems be to the best option.  I usually am finished with dinner by 7:15 or 7:30, and I get hungry every  3 to 4 hours.  So this means going to bed earlier, like at 10:30, instead of at 11:00 or 12:00.  When I am hungry it’s nearly impossible for me to sleep without eating something.   So going to bed sooner rather than later should handle this.

It seems like such a small shift, going to bed at 10:30 and eating nothing after dinner.  But it’s tied up for me with mortality, of all things.  I have found I just have to stay up late and squeeze the most out of each day and night.  That’s because their ending means I’m one day closer to my own death.  And I very much love being alive.  Sigh.  So where is my trust and faith in G-d and life after death?  For most of my nearly 69 years I’ve looked forward to life after death, believing it will be tremendously awesome and liberating to be right there completely with G-d and with everyone I miss in this life.

Increasingly, though, I find I cherish every bit of each day and night, even when things aren’t going so well, either for me or for others in my life, or not in my immediate life, for that matter.  And increasingly, there are more and more people I love who are now in the next life, not here on earth anymore.   Part of me hopes for and longs to see and be with them some day.  And part of me says, oh not yet though, not yet!

So, something as simple as not eating a bedtime snack and starting to go to bed earlier is a big deal for me.  How little a thing both seem, in the scheme of things.  Well, tonight I’m trying it.  I’ve done it before, gone to bed earlier and without the snack.  So here goes, once again!

About athena1442

writer, reader, spiritual believer, scifi lover, wife, mother,
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